At a different location: ZJP spokesperson presents currency garland to Indian Tennis Women's Champion Sania Mirza [The women's champion who won a couple medals some years ago (last single's medal in 2006) but is still in limelight because of her skirt, nose ring, religion, sex and above all engagements and break offs. ] for her recent engagement with Shoaib Malik [who has been banned by PCB to play for the Pakistan team] of Pakistan. In actuality this is only a publicity stunt for ZJP to be established as a secular party after all these years of non-secular ho-hum.
Soon series of shows start running on news channels some of which: Tedhi Baat, Great Indian Publicity Stunt, You the People, Talk the Walk, God’s Advocate and so on. The publicity stunt is not only for the party but also for the news channel. Every possible effort is made to infer from the 30 second clipping of Sania Mirza. The estimate of her happiness, her gratefulness, her press release, her garland etc is analyzed and again micro analyzed every 90 minutes of the day. Guests like distant friends, close friends, ex-friends, all strata’s of relatives and ex-fiancé are called for statements and analysis. Finally, the daily astrologer predicts the wedlock is going to be lucky for Sania and she is going to be a world champion soon after her wedding!
Day 2: On the other hand ZJP is busy endorsing the wedding and issues statement asking the ruling government to declare a public holiday for the event. The ruling party declines as it is un-called for. ZJP now calls for a state-wide bandh/hartal on the April 15th marking Sania’s wedding. They issue statements like: Sania toh Bharat ki beti hai. Uske sabse bade din mein hum sab ki subhkamnayein uske saath hai (Sania is the daughter of the nation. On her biggest day all our best wishes are with her). ZJP announces that this is a turning point in the relations of India with Pakistan. The countries are no-longer enemy nations but are ‘samdhi’ (related by wedding of the daughter Sania) nations.
Finally discussions reach a new dimension when news channels open up public voting on such topics such as:
After her wedding Sania Mirza will live in Dubai. If you support type YES and send it to 99956 otherwise type NO and send it to 99956. Send your responses by blah blah blah...
Sania Mirza and Shoaib ke bacche Indian honge ya Pakistani? (Children of Sania and Shoaib will be Indian or Pakistani?) If you say Indian type IND and send it to 66656otherwise type PAK and send it to 66656. Send your responses by blah blah blah...
Kya Shoaib Malik ko India mein IPL khelna chahiye? (Should Shoaib Malik be allowed to be a part of IPL in India?) If you support type YES and send it to 12589 otherwise type NO and send it to 12589. Send your responses by blah blah blah...
Day 3: Pakistan Tennis Federation issues statement that after the wedding Sania should play for Pakistan. As a counter statement All India Tennis Association issues a statement that Sania will continue to play for India even after her wedding. They claim that she has confirmed that she will play for India until 2012 Olympic Games in London.
At a different location: BCCI wonders if the same logic upholds and if Shoaib could play for Indian Cricket team! They believe he will be a valuable addition to the team if he accepts and the 1 billion Indians accept. When asked about the logic they are citing the BCCI member’s mention: “Everyone knows the logic!”
Day 4: Party Un-Holy Sena which was looking for an opportunity to strike jumps in. It questions Sania’s morality and asks “if India has become a tennis ball to Sania that she plays with it however she pleases?”!!!??!!! Sena issues a hartal/bandh to oppose the wedding and condemns any wedding with a Pakistani. They declare that she has offended all Muslims in India which the party considers their “bhai”.
At a different location: UP police department is still looking for the garland and they suspect ZJPs hand in this business. No open statements have been issued but the Uttar Pradesh Government is ready to move on some top gun politicians in the state.
The Un-Holy Sena top brass issues statement that Sania’s heart is with Pakistan and that Shoaib Malik considers India as an enemy (here). The drama continues while news channel run after hot headlines about his first marriage. Party issues statement asking for the tennis princess to marry an Indian
10 years later: Karan Johan gets a brilliant idea to give a tribute to Shoaib and Sania for their cross-border love story, encouraging the youth to dream and to fall in love. He makes a movie… Kuch Apna Kuch Pakistani with the tag line (Mera pyar Pakistani hai and he is NOT a terrorist!) starring young and dashing Shah Rukh Khan and special appearance Kajol!
The movie is a super hit and the new channels and politicians now jump at this one and the tamasha continues…
I truly wish and hope the very best for Sania and Shoaib
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